VENUS IN FURS in Nana's library

After nine days I was at last released from the hospital and taken at once to Nana's house to recover.  Nana had a big house and was always there so it made sense.  Nana was my dad's mother and was a devout Seventh Day Adventist.  Since my father was a devout atheist, Nana didn't say much about her religion when he was around but she loved to talk about it with me.  The golden streets of Heaven where only white Southerners resided.  The Lord sitting on a golden throne surrounded by winged angels playing golden harps. (Lots of gold in Heaven.)  Since I was confined to bed, I could not escape.  Sometimes Eva, Nana's sister-in-law, came over.  Dear Eva had a fine sense of the dramatic as she appeared at my bedroom door, hands crossed on her breasts and intoned,

"I have been speaking to God!"

I was dying to ask if God had answered, but I dared not. Aunt Eva had certainly piqued my interest.  There followed a long, rather fevered conversation between Nana and Eva which appeared to trash Yankees, Negroes, Jews, foreigners, Italians and the Holy Catholic Church which was the Whore of Babylon.  I felt the need to take issue with this characterization of the Church, now that I was old enough to know what "whore" meant. 

"Nana, Aunt Eva, since I AM a Catholic, I can't let you call the Church a --"

"Linda, do not say that word aloud.  My dear, you are but a child and you do not understand the evils of the world--the depravity, the decadence, the disgusting...."

"EVA!" cried Nana, laughing nervously. "Linda is recovering from surgery.  Perhaps now is not the time to....to discuss depravity."

Eva rose immediately, her face flushed and her eyes very bright indeed.  "Well, on to Maas Brothers then.  I need new foundation garments.  And a hairnet."

When the sisters of charity had driven away, I carefully got out of bed, poured myself a glass of iced tea and explored Nana's bookcase.  A thick layer of dust covered all the ancient tomes and I knew then that Nana and my step-grandfather were not big readers.  All the books looked boring, but then I saw a title I had heard of...It couldn't be....

Venus in Furs by Leopold Von Sacher-Masoch.  The man for whom masochism was named!  Good grief, how could this be?  Did Nana even know this book was here?  It must belong to Roy, her sweet little old husband who was in Kiwanis.  What would he be doing with a book about whips and bondage?  Of course, he was pretty submissive....I began to read.

OMG!

"Linda, I'm home.  Did you take a little nap while I was gone?" she trilled.

I was speechless.  I just sat there with the book in my hand.  "What are you reading, dear?"  Nana took the book from my hand and looked at it closely.

"This is a dirty book!  Where did you get this filth?"

"Out of your bookcase!"

We shall draw the curtain of charity over this

poignant little scene.

INSTEAD OF SCHOOL BOOKS, KIDNEY STONES

Sarasota Memorial Hospital

Lord have mercy, why did I feel so terrible?  And what was that strange bubbling sound?  It was so hard to open my eyes....but finally I did.  I saw a tube filled with hideous green bubbly stuff coming out of my nose and snaking across the bed.  Where did it end?  I couldn't see.  I couldn't seem to move.

"Well, hey, sweet thing, you finally woke up, huh?  You been laying there gurgling and snorting for a long time with that green stuff coming out of your belly.  Damn near made me upchuck."

Some strange woman was smiling at me from the bed across the room.

"We thought you was gonna sleep for a hundred years like Sleeping Beauty"

Then I heard a strange muffled voice.  I slowly turned my eyes toward the voice and saw someone sitting up in bed with her entire head swathed in bandages except for her eyes and a little hole where her mouth was.  I had no idea what she had said.

"I'm sorry; I didn't understand what you said."  My voice was hoarse, like the voice of the devil in The Exorcist.

"She said but you ain't no beauty."  This hilarious remark was greeted by laughter from all three of my roommates.  There was a young girl in the bed next to me.  It all came back to me then.  The hospital....kidney stones....surgery.....lots of pain.  Lots of pain.

And on that cheerful note, in strode my urologist.  "How are you feeling, Linda?" he said, flipping through papers on his clipboard.  I gave him A Look.  "Well, like I told you--the first five days you feel like you're going to die.  The next five days you're afraid you won't."  Everyone laughed heartily.  I  managed a grim smile.

"Is it time for a pain shot?" I said, hopefully.

"That's my girl--you haven't lost your sense of humor!"

"Yes, I have.  Really, can I have something for pain?"

"I think you have about another half hour to wait before we can...."  I grabbed his arm hard.

"I want a shot now!  I'm in pain!  Now!"  

Flustered, the doctor mumbled something and hurriedly left the room.  My roommates were strangely silent.  I lay there trying not to cry until a nurse rushed into the room carrying a needle.  An angel of mercy.  She gave me the shot and gently adjusted the sheets.  She smiled.

"You'll begin to feel better very soon, I promise," she said in a soft voice.  "Very soon."

"I can't go back to school now.  I would have been a senior this year.   I'm a Green Knight.  I won't be there when our last year starts...."  The tears came then.

The nurse gently pushed my hair back and gave me a Kleenex.  "You'll go back some day."

"I don't think I will."  I remembered Sunday dinners with the sunlight streaming in the windows of the dining room.  All of us in our Sunday best and singing the blessing...  Praise God from whom all blessings flow...

I closed my eyes and let myself remember.