THE FOREST FAIRIES FLY HOME

"Thank heavens, we're almost home," said Annalisa.  "I am so tired of the ice and snow!"

"I froze the whole time, even in that coat we conjured up.  I love that it is Spring again here in the forest."

"But remember, Sister, because of the spell cast by Enchantress Mama and Papa think it's still Christmas night.  And we must sneak in and put on our nightgowns before they awaken."

"We didn't want Mama and Papa to worry!  We've been gone for ages.  When we finally got Gerda and Kay home they realized they had almost grown up.  Gerda must have been flying around on that reindeer for months.  I can't imagine how she stayed alive.  What in the world did she eat?"

"Well, she spent time with that little robber girl who probably fed her reindeer stew or whatever they eat in Lapland.  And she talked a lot to those birds--ravens, was it?  No, crows"!

"Speaking of eating, I think Annie has gained weight!  She looked plump and rosy cheeked.  And her grandpa is actually quite charming now that he's warm and well fed."

Annalisa smiled at her twin.  "We helped them all; we did!"

"Look," cried Arabella, "That house is made of candy!"

"And there's a little boy heading that way," said Annalisa.

"There's a little girl spreading bread crumbs behind him," said Arabella.  "I wonder why...."

"We can come back tomorrow.  We HAVE to go home."

"I suppose so," said Arabella, wistfully.  "Perhaps they need our help........."

ACTING AND BUILDING AND SEWING AND PAINTING AND LIGHTING

Wesleyan's Theater

I thought I had died and gone to Heaven.  I spent most of my day building sets (I was terrible), setting lights (I was dreadful), making or finding props (fair to middling), making costumes (not bad), learning lines (extremely quick study)and rehearsing The House of Bernarda Alba.  We were performing this play "in the round" which meant that we would be surrounded by the audience who would sit on chairs set on the stage itself. I had never acted this way before and it presented challenges as someone's back was always facing part of the audience.  When dress rehearsal arrived, we girls had to deal with long black mourning dresses (except in one scene Adela rebels and enters wearing a bright green dress.  Shocking!)and long (cheap) black wigs.  If I turned rapidly, my long black hair would slap me in the face.  As if poor lovesick Adela didn't have enough to deal with.

           

Adela in her green dress

Pepe el Romano, Adela's lover and her sister's fiance, was apparently hot stuff (think Antonio Banderas at 25), but he never actually appears so Adela's passion had to be shown another way.

Near the end of the play Adela comes in from the barn where she had a tryst with the virile Pepe.  Our director, who gave new meaning to the word "flamboyant," decided I should wear white petticoats and some sort of white corset contraption that pinched in my waist and pushed up my still feeble breasts.  I would be panting and straw would be hanging from my petticoats and twisted in my long cheap black wig hair.  Fortunately, for everyone concerned there are no extant photos of this vision and when I try to recreate my appearance in my mind, memory fails me.  I do recall that at dress rehearsal when I came running onstage, breathless, dripping straw and tossing my curls back, there was a stunned pause and then hysterical laughter.  Our director was not thrilled.

As all of us walked back to our dorms, we were in high spirits.  Rehearsals had gone well and we knew the play would be a success in its own dark, tragic way.  The night air was cool and crisp and we were companions in our shared enterprise.  I was happy.

When I entered my room, it was filled with the usual suspects lounging on the beds, dropping candy wrappers and laughing about the latest frat party they had all attended.  (I had not.)

Rosalind's best friend (my diary reader) said, "You're not the only one around here that's been in plays.  I was in our senior play last year and I played a real bitch!!"

"Was it type casting?" I innocently asked.

"No, it was Damsels in Distress."

THE RESCUE OF KAY

The Snow Queen

Annalisa and Arabella flew rapidly to Gerda's side and began talking at once.  "We came to help you.."   "Rescue Kay!"  "We are the Forest Fairies....."Annalisa and Arabella."  "The Snow Queen is our mother's cousin and...."  "And she is evil!"

All three heard a tinkling laugh and, terrified, they turned to face Insidious, the Snow Queen.

"Oh, I am not so bad as all that," she said; her voice was warm and musical.  "I have taken very good care of Kay.  Haven't I, my dearest boy?"

 "Yes," said Kay, his face blank and different somehow.

"Oh, Kay, I am your friend, Gerda.  Do you remember me?"

"Yes, I remember you, Gerda.  Why have you come?"

"I have come to bring you home, Kay.  I have traveled so far and so long to find you."  Gerda reached out her hand to touch him, but the Snow Queen was suddenly in front of Kay.

"Do not touch Kay, my pretty Gerda. Do not come near him."

Gerda burst into tears and cried out, "But why?  He is my best friend.  I have missed him so much!"

Smiling, Insidious said in a soft, caressing voice, "My dear, Kay lives here with me now.  He shall stay with me always."

"Kay, come home with me, please, so we can be together."

"We must provide a diversion," Annalisa whispered to Arabella.

Kay looked as if he were waking from a long sleep.  "Yes, I think I want to go home.  It is so cold here."

Suddenly, two piercing screams were heard.  The Fairy sisters had cast a spell on the wall behind the Queen.  "We're melting the ice," they cried.  "Soon your palace will be slush!"

In a flash, Insidious was beside them.  "Your magic is nothing compared to mine, you ridiculous idiots!"

Gerda, still weeping, crossed to Kay and put her arms around him, her hot tears falling on his chest.  Kay looked into Gerda's face with a painful look of recognition.  He could feel the ice in his frozen heart cracking and breaking and melting away.  Tears came to Kay's eyes; he had not cried for so long.

"Gerda, you have come to rescue me, haven't you?" said Kay, smiling for the first time since the Snow Queen had taken him.

"Yes, darling Kay, we can go home now."  Gerda put her head on his chest and Kay encircled her with his arms.

The Snow Queen stood by her throne.  She had stopped the melting of her ice castle, but she had lost Kay.

"Guide them home, you little nitwits.  Kay is not the first child I have brought here and he won't be the last.  And you can't stop me.  Tell your mother that.  No one can stop me."  Insidious watched the fairy twins leading Kay and Gerda outside and she began to plan her revenge.

Kay and Gerda walked outside into the snow and gasped.  Brightly colored flowers had pushed through the snow.

"Come, we will take you home," said Annalisa.

Tulips in the snow

I'M PREGNANT, BUT I'M STILL A VIRGIN

NOTE:  Although this blog is chronological, I have decided to occasionally post episodes from my long and bittersweet career as a psychotherapist.  No real names will be used and identifying factors will be changed.

"I want to be a virgin when I get married," said the pretty teenager.

"Well, I think that's wonderful, but I hope you don't get married too soon.  You're only fourteen," I said.

"Oh, I know all about marriage and babies and all that stuff," she said, sounding world weary and jaded.

"You had a talk with your mother?" I said hopefully.

"Oh, no!  My girlfriends told me everything.  Like if you do it standing up, you can't get pregnant."

"Oh, dear!  That's just not true."

She looked at me pityingly.  "Yes, it is.  My girlfriends know about these things.  Another thing is you can't get pregnant unless the sex is good."

"Well, now, that is really not true."

Speculatively, she looked me up and down.  "Miss Linda, you really need to talk to someone who knows about these things."

                                                       * * * * * * * 

After missing two appointments, our little girl's father asked to speak to me.  He was clearly uncomfortable.

"Well, how are things going?" I asked, fearing he would tell me.  He did.

"My daughter is pregnant.  And she has ... an STD.  Had she given you any indication that she was....sexually active?"

"I am so sorry, Sir.  She had told me that she was planning to save herself for marriage.  I didn't even know she had a boyfriend."

"She doesn't.  I don't know who the father is or how it even happened."

Hesitantly, I said, "Your daughter has many misconceptions about sex and very little actual knowledge.  Perhaps your wife could speak to her....."

"Her mother was afraid she might give our little girl ideas....."

                                                      * * * * * *

"Well, I don't intend to gain any weight.  I want to keep wearing a size 0."

Groaning inwardly, I gathered my thoughts.  Where to begin?  "I think..."

"And I still want to be a virgin for my husband and I think I still am because I don't think we really did it.  Nothing really happened, but he said it was over.  I don't really understand...."

I took her little hand in mine and made her look at me.  "You're not a virgin anymore; you're going to have a baby.  You have to eat so the baby can get nourishment.  You won't be able to wear a size 0.  Everything has changed.  You're going to be a mother.  Do you understand?"

She turned away from me and looked out the window.  "I didn't even like it," she said, her voice flat.  "I don't know what all the fuss is about."

THE HOUSE OF BERNARDA ALBA

Lorca's bleak masterpiece

                                                      

The very first play I auditioned for at Wesleyan was The House of Bernarda Alba, the masterpiece by the Spanish playwright and poet, Federico Garcia Lorca.  I had never heard of it as high schools and community theaters don't usually do plays as dark and tragic as this one.  Bernarda is a Spanish widow with five ugly daughters, none of whom are married.  Her plan is to marry off her eldest daughter, Angustias, to a young man of the town, Pepe el Romano.  But Pepe is a virile young man who is not interested in making a woman of almost 40 his wife.   He only has eyes for Adela, Bernarda's sensual youngest daughter.  In Spanish villages at this time young men and women were never left alone together until they married.  No woman, once a wife, ever left the house again except to go to the Catholic Church.  In the house of Bernarda Alba repression and chastity reigned supreme.  Ignoring everything she has ever been taught, young Adela enters a passionate affair with Pepe whom she loves.  When the affair is discovered, Bernarda tries to shoot Pepe el Romano and Adela hangs herself.  Her mother insists Adela be buried in white as if she is still a virgin.  Unbelievably enough I was given the plum role of Adela.  Apparently, the director recognized in me qualities I didn't know I had.  A passionate rebel willing to defy the conventions of her time was what the part called for.  Me--who felt scared most of the time?  But deep down I knew I could feel what Adela felt.  After the cast was announced I floated back to my dorm, smiling to myself.

As I grew closer to my room, I saw the door was open and I could hear one of Rosalind's friends reading aloud and other girls laughing.  I stopped in the hallway and listened as what was being read sounded familiar.  It was my diary which had been well hidden.  My stomach twisted and I was afraid I would be sick.  I would hide in the library until it was time to serve dinner.  Suddenly, there was a loud peal of laughter as a particularly intimate thought was read aloud.

No.

I entered the room and slowly looked at each of the girls lounging on the beds.  Then I approached the reader and took my diary out of her hands.  I began to rip the pages from the small book and drop them into the wastebasket.  I smiled pleasantly at all the girls and said, "Did you read the part where I wrote that you girls were shallow, malicious and not very bright?  I really think that section is my very favorite.  So amusing you know."  I dropped the torn book into the wastebasket and gave them all a dazzling smile as I walked toward the door.  Then I turned and said,

"I meant it."

Thank you, Adela.

Bernarda and her five daughters.

ANNIE, THE LITTLE MATCH GIRL IS SAVED!

Annie and the fairy sisters sat at the feet of Enchantress, the Queen of the Snow Fairies, while she spun a fascinating tale of how she and her followers would bring food and fresh milk to Annie's door every single day.  And during the long winters firewood would magically appear as well.  Never again would Annie lack for clothes and shoes as Enchantress would ask her own personal seamstress to meet with the child and together they would design her new wardrobe.  The little girl's eyes grew huge when she heard this as she had not had a new dress since her dear grandmother had gone to Heaven.  And she had never had a warm coat until the sisters had worked their magic.

"What about my grandfather?  He is always cold because his clothes are falling apart,"said Annie, hesitantly.  "Could you please bring him some warm clothes too, your Majesty?"

Enchantress smiled at the little girl and touched her face.  "Of course, I will."

Encouraged, Annie asked what was on her heart.  "Grandpa has been so sad since Grandma died.  He barely speaks to me; he just sits by the cold fireplace all day.  Can your magic make him smile again?  I am so worried I...."    Annie began to cry.

"And you are sad as well," said Enchantress, who beckoned her nieces.   The three fairies joined their small hands and encircled Annie who felt their warm affection and was comforted.

"I will visit your grandfather and try to help him, but he will not see me.  You and I will speak often and you can tell me how he is doing.  Shall we do that?"  Annie gulped and then nodded.  "Good!  Now let us help Arabella and Annalisa see what my wicked cousin, the Snow Queen, is up to."

Enchantress waved her wand back and forth and a picture began to appear before them.

Insidious, the Snow Queen and Kay

"It's the Snow Queen and that must be Kay," cried Arabella.  "And they are not far from the Snow Palace!  Can you bring forth a picture of Gerda?"

"I will try, but my evil cousin Insidious will sense that I have seen her and will try to block my visions.  She was always so mean--even when we were children!  Whenever I had a cup of hot cocoa, she would turn it to ice to spite me!"  Enchantress waved her wand frantically and at last a faint picture of Gerda appeared, but they could not tell where she was!


"Insidious IS mean." said Annalisa, solemnly.  "I should like to slap her."

"Your hand might turn to ice," observed Annie quietly.

"Girls, be patient.  I think I am getting the background so we will know where she is."

"Good heavens!" cried Arabella.  "She's near the Snow Palace."

"Annalisa, Arabella, I will send you immediately to the Snow Palace.  Gerda cannot face the Snow Queen alone!  I shall take Annie home.  Say your goodbyes for now; you shall meet again soon, I promise."


The fairy sisters kissed
Annie goodbye and in a
flash they were gone.
Enchantress and Annie were alone in the snow.
Slowly, they began the walk home.

Annalisa and Arabella were suddenly in 
Lapland near the Snow Palace.  Gerda  
stood not far away and in the distance they all could see the icy sleigh racing toward them carrying Kay in thrall to the Snow Queen!

A NEW WORLD - College, September, 1960

Wesleyan College

My parents drove me to college in Macon, Georgia, in September of 1960, which was the first and last time they showed any interest in my education.  My dad had graduated from high school, but my mom had left school in the ninth grade to go to work.  They were children of the Depression and knew nothing about higher education and were vaguely suspicious of the whole idea.  None of us knew what to expect.  And we certainly didn't expect the splendor that was Wesleyan.

The Wesleyan campus was the most beautiful place I had ever seen.  Everywhere I looked there were deep rose brick buildings with white columns.  There were cherry trees that would be covered in pink blossom in the spring, a rolling green golf course, a lake near the senior dorm and acres of unspoiled woods.  The College had an indoor swimming pool, a stable, an imposing two-storey library, two art galleries and a lovely dining hall with high ceilings and an impressive fireplace at each end.  There were antiques in the Burden Parlor and white rockers on the loggia (I didn't know what a loggia was.)  And best of all from a drama major's point of view was the huge theater which happened to house the largest organ in the Southeast.  (And, yes, we joked about the largest organ all the time, imagining that we were incredibly witty and original.)  My parents and I slowly took all this in and were rendered speechless.

The Wesleyan dorms

As we walked around the beautiful campus I noticed Mom and Dad were behaving in a peculiar fashion.  I had no idea what was wrong with them,  but I realize now they were intimidated and perhaps a bit jealous.  They had believed I would get a job at Woolworth or perhaps an office and continue to live at home.  That I had somehow been given this opportunity to inhabit a life so different from what theirs had been was beyond their imagination.  They seemed uncomfortable, a bit scared and yes, I think just beneath the surface there lay resentment.  We were all strangely quiet as we brought my few belongings into my assigned room.  Then we silently trooped out to the car and said our goodbyes.  I don't think they hugged me.  None of us knew what we were supposed to do.

After they drove away I wandered about the campus again and then finally went back to my room.  Outside there was a big trunk, lots of suitcases and shoeboxes almost to the ceiling.  Hesitantly, I went in and there was my new roommate, Rosalind, looking very Southern, very pretty and very blonde.  She gave me a dazzling smile.

"Well, hi!  I just don't know what I'm gonna do with only one closet.  Daddy said he would get me another rod in the hardware store and put it up for me and that should help a little bit but I just don't know where I'm gonna put my shoes.  I've got a pair of high heels dyed to match every outfit and then all my flats and my tennis shoes.  I've got 68 pair of shoes.  Isn't that just sad?"  Another sparkling smile.  "I just love my shoes!!"

I smiled back.  This lil gal had 68 pair of shoes.  I had a pair of heels, a pair of flats and some old tennis shoes.  I knew I was in trouble now.

Rosalind came over to me, her huge blue eyes shining, and put her manicured hand on my skinny arm.  "Linda, honey, do you think it would be all right if I put some of my shoes in your closet?"

Lord have mercy.