Before I knew what was happening the school year was over at Wesleyan and I left campus not knowing if I would return for my last year. In the brief space of three days I was Maid of Honor for two radiant brides in creamy white, my two close friends, Linda and Bootsie, who moved away with their new husbands. I didn't know if I would ever see them again. (Of course I did.) Both weddings are a blur of music, flowers, beautiful dresses and happy people. I had trouble speaking because I was plagued by one of my infamous throat infections.
As I stood next to each lovely bride, it did not escape me that I didn't even have a boyfriend. I had never had a serious relationship. I wasn't sure what my fatal flaw was but I knew I had one.
I also realized with sickening clarity that I didn't have the courage to try and become a real actress. I was too scared of rejection and uncertainty. I wanted and needed security and there was none in my life.
That night I boarded a train to the unknown. I was going to waitress in Asbury Park for the summer and I had absolutely no idea what would come next. I could return to the warm cocoon of Wesleyan and finish my degree even though the people who meant the most to me would not be there. What else was there for me? I felt completely unmoored as the train hurtled through the darkness.
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