KIDNEY STONES AND TUMORS, OH, MY! Part Two

"Why aren't you wearing glasses?" the doctor asked mildly.  "When was your last eye exam?"

"This is my first," I said reluctantly.  The doctor looked at me as if I had said I had just arrived from Pluto.

"You should have begun wearing glasses years ago.  Get some as soon as you go home.  And you have calcium crystals in your eyes."

Calcium crystals?  I had heard a lot about calcium in the past few days.  Apparently, it was all over where it shouldn't be.  I wasn't allowed to drink milk.

  

The surgeon was smiling at me so how bad could it be?

"We've discovered what the problem is.  You have a tumor on the parathyroid gland which is causing your body to make massive amounts of calcium and that's what is causing you to rapidly manufacture kidney stones.  We're removing it tomorrow."

"And the kidney stones too?

"No, that's a whole separate operation.  The parathyroid gland and the kidneys are not even close.  We'd have to make a very large incision."  The doctor laughed merrily.

All rightie then.  By the next afternoon the offending tumor was gone and I was out of recovery and back in my room.  I staggered to the sink to brush my teeth.  When I looked in the mirror, I screamed.  Apparently, I had been decapitated during the surgery and my head had been sewn back on with big black stitches.  I was pale as a ghost.  Perhaps my future included starring in horror films; I wouldn't even need makeup.  I had never looked more dreadful in my life.

At that moment an extremely handsome young man in a white coat entered the room.  He looked at me, then immediately averted his eyes.  I didn't blame him.  As he helped me back to  my bed, this blue-eyed vision told me he was Doctor Larkin and he had come to take my medical history and was I amenable to that.  Oh, I was amenable all right.  He didn't want to take blood; he didn't want to take X-rays; he didn't even want me to pee in a cup.  He just wanted to talk.

Dr. Larkin gave me a dazzling smile and said, "Well, how are you, Miss Linda?"

"I think I'm the bride of Frankenstein's monster."

We both laughed.

To Be Continued