PETER, PETER, PUMPKIN EATER

For the last play of my freshman year at Wesleyan, the Drama Department decided to mount a portable production of Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Eater.  Our tech director had designed a unique collapsible pumpkin so that we could take the play on tour to elementary schools throughout Georgia.  We would pack up the pumpkin and the costumes, pile into a big bus and off we would go to amuse the little ones. When we read the script, we were even more in favor of this idea because Peter, Peter..... was quite remarkably naughty, not in a way that children would understand, but that dopey college kids would find hilarious.  And we did. 

 I played Peter's grandmother and one of my deathless lines was "Little Peter needs a wife!  He's had to play with himself all day!"  There were many lines asking the question, "What shall we do with little Peter?"  As little Peter was played by an intense heartthrob of 21, there were many girlish conversations having to do with what we would like to do with  little Peter who was a day student with a car.   But back to the Peter tour.

Peter, Peter Pumpkin Eater

Our first stop was a school so small that our big orange pumpkin took up the entire stage.  The grand piano was pushed offstage to a space so tiny that when we exited, there was no place to go so we had to lie under the piano until it was time to enter again.  This did not work well.  If we exited stage right, there was no place to go but out the door to the school hallway.  As there were no dressing rooms, we had been led to the children's restrooms where we changed in front of....well.....the children who were naturally fascinated.

"You have big boobs," said one little girl to Peter's wife who did indeed have big boobs.  We immediately averted our eyes only to see someone else in their blue underpants.  Being the grandmother, I had to spray my hair silver which caused all the wee girls in the bathroom to want to spray their hair silver which I would not allow.

At one point during the performance Peter's wife hides from her new husband.  Little Peter searched everywhere but could not find his wife.  This was difficult to pull off as the entire audience was shouting, "She's right there behind the pumpkin!"  "Peter, Peter, look over there!"  I was lying under the grand piano at the time, but of course could hear the excited shouting very well.  People in Valdosta probably heard it.  Little Peter at last found his new wife and they went to live in the huge collapsible pumpkin where they lived happily ever after.  Our curtain call was met with wild, protracted applause from all the kids.  Our costumes were filthy from lying on the floor under the piano and my big silver bun had come undone.  Peter's pants were torn which he gamely tried to hide (apparently he was not Little Peter after all.)

On the bus ride back to Macon we sat, dazed and exhausted.  We had to do this five more times!  And we could hardly wait.